Forever??

I am mired with sorrow and regret. I am stuck in some other world of hell. I am out of prison physically but still living in prison. I dont know how to live this life that I have now. This life is foreign to me. A life without hopes, dreams, future. I kept holding on to the dream of a future; that is how I survived prison. 
Where do you go when you have lost everything and almost everyone you know? What do you do when you no longer are employable in any field that you have known? I am lost. I am floundering in a sea of despair. While in prison, the future seems so magical, so enchanted. The reality is not. I am tainted. I am scarred. I am hopeless. I have lost so much. I do not know how to regain it. Where do I begin? 
There is no transition for felons. You walk out the door of the prison and you hit the streets and sink or swim. You cope or you go back. I could not understand how the same people would return to prison over and over. I do now. It is easier. No bills. You don't have to worry about housing, rent, food or responsibility.
I have no plan to ever go back to prison. I will continue to get out of bed each day. I have children that need me. I have a family that loves me. I am not sure why, as I am not feeling very lovable right now.